DISQUS

Real Men Drive Minivans: There isn’t always a solution

  • DadUnmasked · 2 months ago
    Wow. That is deep. So sorry to hear about the loss of the first pregnancy. I couldn't imagine. You guys are truly blessed with your little man.

    Peace my friend.
  • otter321 · 2 months ago
    You are 100% right about the problem solving. That gets me into a lot of trouble sometimes.

    Sorry to hear about your loss. I have had a few friends go throught the same thing and I know it is very tough. I am glad that you have the little man to help ease the pain.
  • R_Mattocks · 2 months ago
    That was an incredible post, PJ. It made my guts churn for you and then brought a smile at the end. There's an element of being problem solvers that gives a (false) sense of being able to control things in our life. But when the unsolvable comes along it knocks us on our butt. What we do then is telling. I've cried those tears too - but not with sawdust. Again, great story.
  • alwayshomeanduncool · 2 months ago
    Powerful piece of writing, PJ.
  • weaselmomma · 2 months ago
    Oh, PJ. You didn't just start to love that baby, You did love that baby. I am so sorry that you have live with that hurt.
  • schmutzie · 2 months ago
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  • melisalw · 2 months ago
    Thanks for sharing that story. It must've been heartbreaking, both the loss AND not having answers. :(
  • SurprisedMom · 2 months ago
    I'm so sorry it's a bad time of year for you. You're right, you won't ever forget. I hope the pain eases soon. Before I read your post, I was looking at your blog header with the photo of you and your little man. It made me smile. I'm glad that you were blessed with a healthy little man who brings you such joy.
  • The JackB · 2 months ago
    It is hard. During my wife's second pregnancy she took a test that often registers a false positive. Long story short she came up positive and we set up a meeting with a genetic counselor.

    She told us that based upon the test it was likely that our baby had spinal bifida or Down's Syndrome. It was a rough moment.


    We ended up having an aminocentesis and then went through the waiting to see if that would cause a miscarriage. I went through all sorts of hell feeling powerless to protect my family.

    You are right, we are programmed to fix things and when we can't...
  • theteachertom · 2 months ago
    Right on, PJ. Learning that some problems are unsolvable is a tough one, especially for men. Sometimes all we can do is let our feelings flourish and get on with our life of doing.

    Powerfully written. Thanks.
  • Jason @ The Devoted Dad · 2 months ago
    Losing a child is the most heartbreaking and while we have not been in your shoes, I am truly sorry for your families loss. God has blessed you with your little man. -Jason
  • Daddy Files · 2 months ago
    I can relate PJ. We went through this twice before Will was born. And even though my head keeps reassuring me that it was just a collection of cells, I bonded with my unborn babies each time. And was heartbroken each time.

    Good post.
  • steelydad · 2 months ago
    We went through a similar situation. It's tough, to say the least, and many times so much focus is placed on the mom that the dad can be lost in the shuffle of sympathies. We're supposed to be tough and be the shoulder upon which to cry but sometimes we need to cry too. Rarely are we asked how we're doing. Thanks for sharing your story and letting others know that the dad suffers in his own way.
  • eternallizdom · 2 months ago
    We also lost our first pregnancy and I also went the surgical route and my husband expressed a lot of the same feelings that you have shared here. We still talk about "Bunny" from time to time. The sadness lessens for us... but it was definitely a strengthening and growing time in our marriage.